My daughter Emily turned 28 yesterday. She has 2 little girls, Evie is 2 and Eliza is 5 months. For a "fun" start to her birthday, they started with the Allen family birthday tradition: doughnuts. Their "fun" breakfast was immediately followed by a chain of "very bad morning" responses from more than just the 2 year old.
"I did it to myself!" She said in tears. "I know what happens when we let ourselves have that much sugar in the morning! But it's my BIRTHDAY!" I felt like crying myself. It was me that launched the Allen family birthday tradition of doughnuts for breakfast many years ago when SHE was a 2 year old!
I can't change that. And I wish it was the worst mistake I've made as a mother. Not gonna get over-dramatic here. What I CAN change is how I personally live now.
WHAT I HAVE LEARNED ABOUT MYSELF SINCE OCT. 1:
I FEEL the changes, and especially the "readiness". That's so good. Part of me is sad. Really sad. I know I'm saying good-bye to some foods and traditions that I really loved. For a lifetime. I'm going to let it be OK to be sad. Some things just end, and it IS sad when fun chapters of your life are over -- a great Ward where the boundaries or bishopric changes and EVERYTHING changes, loved tones die, good friends move, favorite dishes or possessions break, precious belongings get lost, kids grow up or out of an especially fun stage, all KINDS of changes become "closed chapters."
It's OK to remember them with fondness and miss them. And even grieve for changes that are part of life, living and loving.
I'm not telling anyone what to do with the October Cravings Test. Maybe the beautiful people along with me are going to be OK with "moderation." and can have favorites every now and then.
As for me, I know I've tried that WAY too many times. I'm ready for PERMANENT lifestyle change where I don't try and figure out "how much" is OK, or which "days" are OK.
I just know that a cookie or two does NOT satisfy me. It just makes me want MORE. And sets me up for a permanent "holding" pattern until that day or treat comes along.
I'm tired of "starting OVER." I've been doing it all my life! I want to be like the lovely lady I met on Sunday who said, "I've been straight for 7 years and counting."
Will I eat bread? Yes. But only whole grain. Will I eat sugar-free jam with it? Maybe. Will I use natural sugar substitutes? Yes.
WHAT I AM PROUD OF:
It's now half way through the month. My sugar cravings have lessened to a GREAT degree, and I'm on my way. It's a relief. More than anything, it's a RELIEF. I'm not gonna say it's a ton of fun yet.
But it is a RELIEF to be this far, to be documenting my feelings and my food. To be turning to my Heavenly Father. The part that IS joyful is to know that I'm on my way.
Lots of things ahead to deal with, but at this point, I'm taking STOCK and feeling definite progress.
Will I be the grandma who always has cookies and candy? Based on Emily's bummer start to her birthday yesterday, I've got some revising to do.
WHAT I NEED MORE OF:
Time, just time, to solidify and establish what is happening in a beautiful way with the help of the tea and my Heavenly Father
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