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Saturday, September 28, 2013

"More Holiness Give Me"

It is Saturday Night, September 28.  Mom (aged 92 who lives with us) and I have just finished watching the General Relief Society Broadcasts.  As touching as all the messages were, what spoke to my heart was the closing song, "More Holiness Give Me," sung by the glowing sister missionaries.  Each line, so sweet and direct, had a message for me.

The summer was wonderful, but difficult in many ways.  Lots of changes here at home that I have managed, I think, by going back to my old stress relief:  sugar-sugar-sugar.  Woke up thinking about it, and grazing on it all day.  All summer long.  I could spend paragraphs going into detail.  Maybe I will in a private journal. Embarrassing ...

At the Gates reception two weeks ago, the richest chocolate cake I have seen in years was served.  Not small pieces.  It was kinda scary how I took it without a second glance at the lovely fresh fruit and veggies that were also there.  That cake was too rich for many, as I heard everyone commenting on how delicious and rich it was -- but I ate it so fast -- hardly tasted it I inhaled it so quickly --  and wondered how I could eat another without any one noticing.  I ended up taking "a piece home for Mom" -- but guess who ate it.  Later that night.  Alone.

Am I ready to share this much?  With all the beautiful articles Heavenly Father has helped me to write over the years at Meridian, this is always my "gotcha" ... the one that I can never quite come to terms with permanently.

For years I managed ice cream by simply not eating it except on my birthday or at the beach, so that was twice a year.  That went to the wayside a couple of years ago.  This year the dipped cones at McDonalds became a common indulgence.  Sometimes with Bob or a friend.  Often by myself.  And it was never "the" treat of the day or week.  No.  Can't say that. 

I think the sugar obsessions of the summer, though I can't blame anyone but myself, is part of my Heavenly Father's plan so that I would be at a really, really needy place for something to change for me, and that with the generous support of the Proctors, who let me share my musings, perhaps my trial and journey can be of benefit to many.

I'm not in serious trouble with the scale, -- up three or four pounds. The problem is that I am so very short that for me, every pound makes a difference in how things fit.  Suffice it to say that elastic waist pants are what I'm wearing right now.  But not for long!

The orders have been coming in for two days now, for Meridian brothers and sisters who are trying a one-month supply of the tea with the special bonus .... I am praying for them, and for all of us.

To overcome this so we can be open and available to the whisperings of the Spirit and direction for more important things in our lives than common old sugar. It's one of the adversaries cheapest tricks, and I have fallen for it too many times for too many years.

I really love how I feel when I drink it in the middle of the afternoon, and how it realllllly helps.  I hope and pray it will be so for those who are trying it and experiencing it for the first time ...

Enough for tonight.  As always, I have too much to say, and can type as fast as I can think.  I don't know if there will be anyone to read these thoughts and experiences or not.  Maybe it WILL be my private journal and no one will know or care. 

Whether they do or not -- the most important thing is that Heavenly Father knows. "More Holiness Give Me." will be my song tonight.  And, in  a small way, kind of like the people that my son Cooper is sharing the gospel with in Brazil, they KNOW they are making major changes for themselves.  That God knows about and will be watching with love and tenderness, interest and concern.